Film Review: ‘Pride’

Now I love an angsty-gay/trans* film as much as the next girl; Boys Don’t Cry, Milk, Brokeback Mountain, The Laramie Project, but Pride was really in a genre of its very own. Packed with the humour we have come to expect from a British-made comedy film, but without loosing the important messaging of gay culture in the 1980s. Also, as a self-confessed gay-geek, it was fantastic to learn about a part of the history of the gay rights movement that I have never known about before, and to see how it linked into other political movements of the time.

The film starts with the 1984 London Pride Parade; I was at London Pride this year, 30 years on, and it made me remember just how far we have come. The film went on to highlight the issues specific to the day, such as the difference in age of consent between ‘the breeders’, as described by self-defined dyke Steph, and gay men. However, it also showed issues that are still present, such as coming out, hate crime and HIV. It wouldn’t be a gay-film set in the 80s without some reference to HIV, but it was done subtly and appeared throughout the film in a way that tied in well with the storyline.

Joe/Bromley’s plight was particularly resonating for me as I sat in the cinema next to my parents. I was reminded once again how fortunate I am to not have experienced the negative and detrimental impact of having parents who unable to accept their child’s sexuality. Although times have moved on, there is still a plethora of young people who struggle with coming out and never get that all-important acceptance from their families. I know Q:alliance help to tackle this issue through the HQMK youth group, but there are still so many who have no support network at all.

What was refreshing about this amazing film was the way it seamlessly switched between pure comedy (the ongoing lesbian cuisine discussion was one of my personal favourites) to poignant moments that sent goosebumps down your spine and set a little tear in your eye.

The film really demonstrated how issues of equality and discrimination shouldn’t be kept in silos, with all the many minority groups badgering away at their own cause. There are so many commonalities between us and although standing up for striking miners in a small village in Wales is an extreme example of this, the message remains the same.

Five stars! A must see for everyone, not just the LGBT community.

Blogger Ellie

Blog on Being a Trans Spouse

As some readers of this blog will be aware my partner is a trans man, i.e he is going through gender reassignment from female to male. Occasionally I have time to stop and reflect on the steep learning curve I’ve been on. I want to take this opportunity to share some of the knowledge I’ve gained on how to support a trans person, as a result of my times of getting it right and wrong.

1. Be aware of your language and the impact it can have.

In the beginning I had to have it explained that tranny is a hate term and under no circumstances to be used. But it goes beyond this I have inadvertently hurt my husband at times through my use of language and have only realised when I have spotted his body language. An area of particular discussion, misunderstanding was my use of the language of disability, because it was the only way I could get my head around it not being a choice and requiring medical treatment including surgery.

2. Sensitively communicate your own understandings and fears of what is happening

Following on from the point above when I explained to my partner why I struggle using anything other than the medical model to process the transition we came to an understanding about the paradigms each of us were using and why we were using them. Throughout the process it has been important for me to explain what my fears are so that, on occasion, they could be totally quashed for the nonsense they were, but at other times they could be appreciated for sensible concerns. Throughout the process what has been important is to create an environment where the one emotion which is avoided is guilt. My husband can’t help being trans even more than I can help struggling with some aspects of it.

3. Get to know the practical difficulties your partner is facing

Being trans creates practical difficulties for the person going through transition. I learnt pretty early on that for my partner there are two quite big ones. The first was using toilets in public places. There are some environments where using the male toilets can be difficult for him, particularly if they are busy or the doors on the cubicles are a bit dodgy. I have learnt that when making decisions as to where to go thinking about that is important. I am becoming somewhat of an expert on knowing where to find gender neutral toilet facilities.

The other big practical problem has been finding adult masculine shoes in a small enough size. This was something I knew was a real source of difficulty for my husband and so I did some searching around and we discovered Dr. Martens were the best brand to go for. They’ve recently opened a store locally, and in the sale I noticed they had some shoes which were ideal for the look he is developing on special. Knowing the issue I immediately went in to check if they would still be available later on, and when the answer was negative I got them there and then.

4. Understand the law is an ass but going with the flow is important

To get his Gender Recognition Certificate my partner and I have to convert our civil partnership to marriage, and I have to engage with something called the Spousal Veto which I really disagree with. Whilst I do consider the law an ass and would be quite happy to dig my heels in, saying I want to stay in a civil partnership with him or refuse to sign the spousal veto because I think having to exercise power in that way is repugnant I know I can’t. I know that in the coming months when he applies for the GRC it is one of the most significant steps in his transition process and I just need to go through the process of jumping whatever hurdles the law puts up so he can get that bit of paper.

5. Be ready with hugs

Going through transition is never easy for anybody. However, liberating it may be as a process it does involve facing up to the gender dysphoria, going through a process of assessments in order to access treatment, taking hormones, surgery and facing a world which doesn’t understand and has a tendency to stare at anybody it views as different. There is also a great deal of fear of rejection which goes along with this journey. Add in the fact that most trans people face some kind of verbal or physical abuse at some point in their journey and you will understand at times it can be an extremely painful process sometimes. Therefore, you do need to be ready with hugs sometimes.

6. Trans isn’t the defining feature of the person

My husband has a range of attributes and features beyond being trans. His gender identity is only part of who he is and it is certainly not the defining feature. I have chosen to stay with him because I fell in love with a range of things about him before he came out as trans; his intelligence, his faith and his sense of humour amongst other things. Those things are still there and are far more important aspects of him than the fact he is trans.

Blogger Sally

How homo/transphobic are you?

This week saw the Oscars and the world’s most famous lesbian Ellen DeGeneres took to the stage to host this prestigious award ceremony. However Ellen made a faux pas and called Liza Minnelli a “drag queen, an impersonator and sir”. Although Ellen was probably alluding to the fact Liza looked a ’little different’ (New dress? New purse? ) from normal, the gag backfired. Tweets accusing transphobia followed but these were counteracted with “Ellen’s a lesbian, she can’t be transphobic!”

So can we, the LGBT community, be phobic to ourselves?

It’s weird, because about a week ago I probably was. There is a guy who works in my building who is “obviously gay”. What does “obviously gay” mean? Well, he does dress flamboyantly; he is very theatrical and throws some mean jazz hands when talking. On the day in question, he had a new hairstyle, which kind of finished off his overall look. I found myself chuckling and then instantly corrected myself. Surely me (internally) mocking someone about how gay they looked was wrong!

I’ll admit I felt a little ashamed.

It might have been that I was actually jealous of his hair. With the nic ‘thatbaldguyMK, my days of being “worth it” are over. My hair has sadly spread to my chest, shoulders, back and chin and last week, on twitter, I posted that I was contemplating going beard-free for the first time in about 10 years. This caused uproar! Why? Because beards are seen as manly and as gay men we must not look camp!

Around this time, Ellen Page came out as gay and a couple of straight people I know commented that it was “nice that a feminine lesbian had come out”. All they saw was, long hair = feminine. Roll forward to the Oscars and there was Ellen Page in her tuxedo and lots of tweets about her “lezzing it up”. Another point that made me ponder was reading an article on ‘femme lesbians’, although I could totally see it’s hard for a ‘girlie girl’ not to be seen as a ‘fag hag’ when socialising on the scene, and that not every ‘lipstick lesbian’ wants to drape themselves in a rainbow flag when they go out to maximise visibility, the article was quite harsh about gay women who looked like ‘dykes’.

So have we become a community that is blacklisting ‘camp’ men and ‘butch’ women as well as hinting at transphobia?  Are we readily doing to one another what some narrow minded heterosexuals do to us?  Should we be more aware?

The word ‘community’ is often overused and the spectrum of LGBT people is broad and that should be something that is celebrated and respected and we need to ensure that we don’t start that criticism from within.

I have to say Liza Minelli did look very different tho……

ThatbaldguyMK

Sally’s October Blog

The other week after work I rushed down to Bethnal Green for the initial briefing on a new LGBT history project which is being undertaken by LGCM (see http://www.lgcm.org.uk/category/christian-voices-coming-out/ for more details). As part of the evening we had a talk on post-war LGBT history in England from Dr Sebastian Buckle.

Whilst I had an awareness of alot of the key dates such as the decriminalisation of homosexuality and the introduction of civil partnerships I was still struck by how much of our history is not generally known.

For example whilst female homosexuality was not criminalised there were restrictions placed on lesbians by society to make them conform.

Another piece of information which surprised me was that the first gay magazine in the UK, Arena Three, was produced by women during the 1960’s.

As I listened to how a large group of women had left the Gay Liberation Front in February 1972 due to gender oppression I wondered if that was part of the reason we tend to know more about homosexuality history than lesbian history.

Another explanation given was that women and BME people were more likely to identify with groups fighting oppression on the basis of gender or ethnicity whilst men were more likely to be fighting oppression linked to sexuality.

The talk also highlighted the role of Stonewall and all the good work they have done. Listening to that I was aware in the back of mind of the exclusion of trans people by Stonewall in England (Stonewall Scotland have been more inclusive).

Chatting to someone afterwards I was also aware of the exclusion of bi people in the story.

As I reflected on where we are today and the great gains we have achieved as a community I was perhaps more acutely aware of how uneven the playing field has been and continues to be.

I know part of this is because of the way trans and bi people and those gay and lesbians who are part of the BME community are less likely to choose to be involved. However, this history talk emphasised that it has been and may sometimes continue to be because of the comments they sometimes have to deal with from others who are seen as having more power.

Blogger Sally

‘Where Faith, Arts and Justice Meet’

I was recently at an arts festival where I got to listen to Clare Balding in conversation with Richard Coles (the bloke out of the Communards who wasn’t Jimmy Somerville and occasionally crops up on Radio 4 and tv shows like QI).

As they spent an hour chatting and answering a few questions from the audience there were odd points when, quite naturally, the conversation included reference to their sexuality (both being gay). There was also reflection on the forthcoming Winter Olympics in Russia and Balding’s feelings about it, (particularly as she is an open lesbian going as part of the BBC team to cover it).

Later at the same festival I went to hear Rachel Mann, a trans, lesbian, Anglican priest, talk about her experience and her book Dazzling Darkness (which is well worth a read – find it here). Whilst aspects of the talk were more focused on her LGBT identity/ identities the talk went wider and reflected on aspects of her wider life too.

In both talks it was clear that whilst their gender identities and sexual orientations were important to them they were mixed in there with the rest of life.

This was something which my own involvement with a story telling event at the festival reflected too. I was one of 9 “ordinary” people who told their love stories, (love in this case reflecting a range of meanings and including both queer and straight stories). My story was told in the form of a fairytale and within it I referred to my own identity as a lesbian and the way that it was complicated when my partner came out as a trans guy, but it went beyond that to include more mundane aspects of our journey relating to being separated by distance and the experience of having a teenager not overjoyed with mum having a new partner.

The singer songwriter Grace Petrie (website) was also on the festival bill singing her political lyrics and love songs which both, at times, make reference to her being a lesbian but which don’t focus on this.

The festival which has in the past had Peter Tatchell speaking at it on human rights issues amongst other things is quite pink in nature and many LGBT people are amongst the 20,000 or so who head to it each year as an alternative to Reading or Leeds.

It is a space where LGBT people and their allies as well as people who wouldn’t regard themselves in that way come together for a great weekend of music and talks and LGBT issues are mixed in with everything else, no big deal it’s that simple.

The thing which might surprise people about this festival is it is essentially a Christian festival. Greenbelt has the tag line of being where faith, arts and justice meet.

Blogger Sally

Holiday Choices

Holiday Choices

Choosing where to go on holiday should be simple enough. It should be a decision made on things like is there a good beach, interesting places to visit, lively nightlife and how far will my money go. That’s how it works for most straight people. There might be a consideration of safety if they’re going to a known “trouble spot” but generally personal safety is going to be a minor consideration.

It’s not like that for LGBandT people though. For us there are real issues of safety to be considered around the world. For example when recently planning our honeymoon my partner and I had to first consider where, as a trans guy, his passport would and wouldn’t present problems. Next we had to consider what each countries position on both trans and lesbian issues, (because if my partner is misgendered we are taken to be a lesbian couple). Then we had to consider whether there was a significant risk of homophobic and transphobic hate crime, even if the government position was positive. 

Going through this list we found that we actually had a relatively small number of countries where we could travel and feel safe. In the end we travelled to Amsterdam and had a great time.

This dilemma when of about choosing somewhere safe to go highlights both how lucky we are in the UK compared to many other parts of the world but also how hard it is for LGBT people in many other countries. 

Russia is one example most of us are aware of but as a recent Guardian article (http://www.theguardian.com/world/2013/jul/30/gay-rights-world-best-worst-countries) showed there are many other parts of the world we need to support LGBT people in.

A quick flick through the Transgender Day of Remembrance list of names (http://www.transgenderdor.org/memorializing-2012) highlights how Brazil which is preparing to host both the next World Cup and Summer Olympic games has the highest level of transphobic hate crime in the world.

Organisations like Amnesty International, ILGA and The Peter Tatchell Foundation are all involved in supporting LGBT people and campaigning for LGBT human rights issues around the world. Perhaps next time you’re thinking about where to go you might find out how to support people in one of those countries you can’t go to.

Blogger Sally

Equality in schools, and personal issues education

Tell me; as a child, how many of you remember ever sitting in PSHE lesson or Citizenship lesson where LGBT issues were brought up? Did you ever tackle eating disorders, or self harm? How about disability awareness? There is a shocking lack of education when it comes to these issues in schools. Children and young people are taught how to put a condom on, or how to help old people across the road… but never what to do if they question their sexuality, how to practise safe non hetero sex or what to do if they feel like harming themselves.

At the age of 18, I have experienced life in 2 different secondary schools, 2 academies (one aged 11-19 and the other appprenticeship based) and 3 colleges. Four of these places, I worked at.  If we disregard these for now, and just focus on my experiences as a student, I’ll tell you now, they were not all good. Generally, I didn’t experience much homophobic/anti-queer behaviour within these places, which is great… but I also received little to none support regarding any of the above issues. They were never addressed.  Ignorance is ripe within secondary schools; there is racism, there is sexism, there is homophobia. That list is not exhaustive. The irony of it is, it’s not always students… teachers can be just as bad. What’s sad is that  half of the perpetrators don’t even realise that they’re being discriminatory. PSHE and teacher training both cater primarily to the need of heterosexual, gender normative young people that the government seem to expect, and people are left to assume that stereotypes and rumours that they hear are true.

All disabled people are stupid. All dyslexic people can’t read. All gay people like glitter. All people with eating disorders are greedy. All people that self harm are attention seekers. All trans people are paedophiles. None of these people are normal. If people are left to believe what they hear in playgrounds and on facebook, things will never get easier for vulnerable young people at schools.  Schools are supposed to educate. What use are 11 GCSEs or 5 fantastic A levels if you do not know how to function in the real world? If you do not understand the differences that make up the population, and the importance of acceptance (or at the least, tolerance). Why is it that Religious Education is compulsory to a certain age, but it is not compulsory to cover other protected characteristics under the 2010 Equality Act?

Following a conversation with a fellow member of an LGBTQ+ group that I attend, and some crazily misinformed peers of his, I realise that this is getting no better. How can queer people, disabled people, people outside that little box of ‘normal teenager’ expect to achieve their potential in education with schools allowing students to be so ignorant as to think that awareness is not even necessary? Something needs to be done about the quality of PSHE in schools. Something needs to be done about the ignorance that some students not directly affected by these matters show. Something needs to be done to show people that they are not alone; that somebody cares, and is willing to help them if they need it. Young people need to feel accepted at school. Not only by their peers, but also by their schools.  I am making it my mission to make a change. No matter how little, it shall be huge.  It’s time to step off the treadmill and stop moving on the spot, never going forward. It’s time to make a difference.

Keep tuned for details of my endeavors. Mark my word, schools will not know what’s hit them.

Blogger Bernie

England; when the weather gets hot, the clothes come off…

So, does anyone else find it anywhere near as ridiculous as me that, when temperatures reach above 20 degrees C, the whole nation shed their clothes? Just yesterday I was passed in the street by a group of middle aged, balding men in what looked like speedos and sandals. Had it been winter, this would be indecent exposure… There are some things that people just don’t want to see. However, it is ‘summer’… So it is, of course, perfectly acceptable.

Why is it that during summer, suddenly all this crazy stuff is socially acceptable? Wearing a bikini top is fine, by all extents, but going out in your bra is wrong. I have no idea how that works. Surely, it is the same thing, bar the fact that swimwear is usually more skimpy and shows more flesh. Men are allowed to walk around shirtless, but women aren’t. This is, apparently, because female chests are seen as sexual, where as male chests are not. Please, someone explain this to me. It is of course that sexist stereotype that men are sex hungry and infernally not satisfied. Ever. So they would of course lust after topless women. Let’s not mention the women then yeah? Because they do not experience this lust, no?

I find this whole notion utterly peculiar, especially when you extend it to other situations. For example, young children are allowed to run around in public topless, regardless of sex… Until the females start developing breasts, then it’s no longer okay. This begs the question; should it then be socially acceptable for small chested women to go topless in public? And where does a transman stand in this situation? His chest is, by his definition, male. But would this be accepted? Most likely not. Now, I’m not saying the majority of trans masculine people would want to bear their chest in public. But it should be their right, from an equality point of view.

The world is a weird place, no?

Blogger Bernie

Guest Blogger: Karl

So I am the most recent addition of this fabulous blogging team and will start off with an introduction of who I am and what makes me tick.

I am Karl, I am 21 and I live in the town of Northampton which currently offers no LGBT support, youth or adult. So I attend the group HQMK and meet with the lovely people there every week and would strongly recommend the group to any young person looking for support and friendship.

Now onto my identity, I identify as both bisexual and transgender. I would hope that everyone would understand what bisexual is (even with the negative connotations) so I will write a little bit about my trans identity and how I see myself. In clinical and medical terms I am a female to male transsexual, born with a female body but identify as male. Despite what I was born as and how I developed I see myself entirely as male, so I would consider any relationship I have with a guy as a gay relationship and any relationship I have with a girl as a straight relationship.

I have been involved with online LGBT communities for almost four years now, since I first came out. In that time I have learnt a lot and grown as a person, I have also become very passionate about LGBT issues and the rights of my community. I will be very vocal about an injustice and will fight strongly for my community and will get involved with what I can to be part of the movement.

Having said that, my blogs will likely have a political slant to them when discussing LGBT rights, where I challenge views held by others and have people consider the use of certain language. But I will also use this as a space to talk about my experiences, who I am as a person and sometimes the unfortunate incidences that occur when being me!

Keep watching, excitement and hilarity is coming up!

Guest Blogger Karl